Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Medicine Head...


Ever since I quit smoking, I've found it strange that my body prefers tar to plant seamen, because ever since I quit, I've had this fucking allergy problem I never had before. If I was still a smoker, at least I could still fucking breathe! (Albeit lead, tar, and nicotine). Still, today, halfway through work, my nose decided to stop functioning. It felt like the flesh around my skull was going to pop like a mucousy balloon. I went to Baja Fresh to raid their hot peppers. Not only did they not drain my sinuses, they made my pressure filled gelatinous head feel warm and itchy.

I drove to a Shoprite after that to get some drug relief. Do they set up Shoprite's to be obtuse and ridiculous on purpose, or was it the mucous affecting me? The parking-lots are generally strange, like those marble mazes. They make you walk through a a slow moving revolving door filled with rotating retards who push their fucking shopping carts and stop as if they expect the god-fucking door to push their lazy asses out the orifice and into the Shoprite. Then you're confronted by a pseudo police stand where the customer service should be. Who the fuck wants un-refrigerated pork anyway? Right behind that is the Kosher section. The pharmacy with the drugs, unlike most grocery stores is filled with soda. The real drugs are in an aisle like the normal products. Then, after you find your drugs its off to the god damn Self Checkout Lanes if you're on lunch break.

Self-Checkout always sounded like a great idea to me. Then again, I'm not stupid, old or incompetent. My expectation inevitably leads to disappointment because that's all you wait on line behind in the fucking things. It's worse than having a Mongoloidal cashier ring out assholes who don't know what the fuck they're doing, it's letting the asshole run the show unrestrained. You get vegetables looking at the condescending touch screens like man saw fire, mesmerized like moths about how the fuck to scan the fucking bar code and hit "PAY." How do these assholes afford to eat if they can't even hack cashier jockey bullshit? And why won't these OLD assholes do it the "OLD Fang-old" way instead of pretending that they're going to survive the year on the produce and neo-service the ghetto shoprite provides? Die already!!! They didn't call it the "fast lane" because they thought you were quick, they called it that out of hopes that even the stupidest idiot wouldn't shit up the fucking works with their fucking inferior perspective. You have to know you're stupid before you try to buy FOOD asshole... Just stay out of the way from now on. Some know what the fuck their doing...But still have to wait for a cashier to fix what the automated machine fucks up. This can take upwards of ten minutes. If you say "fuck it" and take what you have and go, this time is reduced dramatically as poorly paid security agents and pseudo un-refrigerated pork products will tackle you before you reach the revolving door of BULLSHIT! I really hate shoprite. Almost as much as banks.

By the time I got back to work, I was feeling fine... Thanks for the Drugs, Shoprite!! I'll need them.
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