Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I've been diagnosed with TAPS... :(

Sounds Serious, eh?

For about as long as I can remember, I've always had a weird sleep issue. Well, it's not exactly a sleep issue but more of a waking up issue. Nothing seems to work. Alarm clocks, people calling me, yard noise, animal attacks... I quickly find myself developing a tolerance for whatever it is. My perception of time turns dyslectic. I look at the clock at 8:15 and think to myself "yeah...I got time..." and even at 9:15 when I'm 15 minutes late for work the clock still looks okay to me! "Hrmph.. Good..Still have a few minutes..." It's difficult to wake up when you don't stop dreaming until you're ready to drive. Does anyone else have this problem? I hope someday soon some doctors will officially label this problem as some type of medical disorder. It would be great to have a "syndrome" or an "itus" or maybe even an "osis". I think it would truly be an E-Ticket disease! Better than even Narcolepsy(damn napping bastards)! This problem is more an issue for other people than it is for me. I don't mind the extra rest. When I'm late, I'd like to have the shiny disease label that says... "Yeah asshole! I have a disease, leave me alone!" Possibly even my own handi-capable parking spot.

Why wait? Why not take Stephen Colbert's advice and make use of the 'Wiki-ality' available in todays culture. I'm considering making a wiki-pedia page which defines this for people who inconsiderately don't care. Any ideas on a name? I've seen Windows machines which sometimes do this when coming out of sleep mode... Maybe "Gates Syndrome" would work. It might give the disease some false legitimacy if they think Bill Gates has it. "Time Dyslexia" sounds like something that might be real... plus it has a nice Sci-Fi ring to it. Or "TAPS" (Torpid Alertness Progressive Somnia). Any ideas? Feel free to comment suggestions on other symptoms I should add. I really think this could be next years Hip disease!
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Blogger solus sententia said...

Try sleeping on a memory foam mattress or mattress topper.

2:07 PM  
Blogger Drogulus said...

Thanks, but then I think i'd just relegate myself to living in a big foam womb and never ever wake up.

1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I get the same thing, but I don't think that's a sleeping disorder, I think that's an inability to give a fuck that I have things to do (read: obligations) that may be more important than myself yet cut into personal and self satisfying activites (read: sleeping, sex, video games...you get the point.) It probably comes from having over permissive and distant parents, or maybe ones who get in your face and enable you too much. In either case it's a bitch. I wonder how those productive non lazy people do it. I think you either get in the groove someday and conform to society or fight it and be crushed by an unstoppable machine, jobless homeless and alone...damn that's depressing

2:09 AM  

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