Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Ash Holes on Ass Wednesday

This morning I stopped off for my usual morning coffee. An older gentleman stood directly in front of the coffee dispensers staring blankly. I waited the obligatory 5 seconds for him to spring into action, however he continued to stand there drooling. I muttered, "excuse me." which yielded no response so I attempted to squeeze my way in to the coffee.

"EXCUSE ME!" the old bastard exclaimed, "You should say Excuse Me! You shouldn't just shove, it's ignorant!"

I replied, "I did say excuse me."

To which he responded, "No you didn't!"

I looked up at him and took note of the dumbo sized hearing aid hanging out of his ear and decided not to say "What the hell? Are you deaf?". Instead I continued to get my coffee and dropped the issue. I grabbed a coffee sleeve which required no shoving, but they were in front of the man, so once again he was incensed.

"AGAIN! Say Excuse me!" He lectured.

"Why are you standing there?" I snapped.

"I.. I'm thinking about the coffee." he stammered.

"Well collect your thoughts OUT OF THE GODDAMNED WAY! You obviously don't know what the word ignorant means if you don't consider it rude to block people from getting their first cup of coffee in the morning while you contentedly drool at the dispensers. I did say excuse me, you should turn your sonar up so you can detect it next time. And wipe that shit off your forehead you look like an ASH!" I said hoping that the stereo system attached to his ear would make sense of "ASH!"

He just shut up. He had a look of fear on his face as if he was just realizing then that he was poking a stick at a crazy man. I shook my coffee at him threateningly which finally got him to step away from the coffee dispensers. How do people like that grow to be old?

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